That Little Shit Henry
by Awickedstarkid
Summary: When the Boston Police Department discovers a puzzling case about a human-trafficking occurrence, they send their top detective, Jane Rizzoli, to investigate in the tiny town of Storybrooke, Maine. What will happen when Regina is taken to Boston for questioning about her illegally adopted son? Crossover of Rizzles and Swan Queen with action, humor, and romance.
1. Chapter 1

The lengthy brunette stormed into the quiet white office, throwing open the door, not acknowledging, or even noticing, the shocked mayor rummaging through her files.

"Alright, where's the kid," the blunt detective demanded.

The mayor's brows knotted in mock confusion. "I don't kn-know what you're talking about, I'm sorry. I could try to help you find the child that is missing, if you'd like. I have files- " her voice trailed off as she rummaged through the papers again.

The detective was not impressed. She picked up on the minute stutter in the beginning of the mayor's sentence, which pointed towards deceit and the unwillingness to reveal information (hey, Maura taught her something, at least…or did she learn that in school? She didn't even know anymore. Maura _was _school.) The detective had her cornered. She went in for the kill.

"I said, 'Where's the kid.' And I think you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm sorry, I really don't know what you're asking," the prim mayor lied, flashing a tight smile.

"10 years ago," the gravelly voice of Jane Rizzoli began, "a child was put up for adoption in Tallahassee, Florida. " The thin woman stretched out her long legs in taunting steps toward the mayor. She loved this, and toyed with the idea of admitting herself a small, sadistic smile, but then thought better of it and moved on with her humiliation of one Regina Mills. "That child was lost 3 weeks after it's birth and hasn't been accounted for since. Until now. The Boston Police Department picked up this case on the suspicion that the child was not dead, but maybe…kidnapped. Or trafficked." Jane shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, but let that word hang in the air. She was glad she did, as the mayor started fidgeting with her necklace, a tell-tale sign of guilt, or sexual frustration (thanks Maura.)

"What does this have to do with me?" The mayor tried to ask this lightly, but it instead came out as a low growl.

"The Boston Police Department traced this child to your house. Now, you can either come willingly, or I can force you. Don't worry; we're only going to ask you some questions. What's it gonna be?"

Regina Mills raised herself out of her chair and started toward the door. She did not hold it for the other woman to exit in front of her, as etiquette required, but rather lead the detective down the hall and into the foyer. She quickly fluffed her hair and walked toward the front door, laying a hand on the doorknob. She would not be lead out of her own house. She still had control.

A little yellow Volkswagen Beetle screeched to a halt in front of house number 108 and slid behind the blue and white police car parked on the side of the road.

_That's funny, _the driver thought, _I don't remember letting Davi- Charmi-….Dad borrow the police car. Hmph. _

The driver shrugged and opened her door just in time to see two women exiting the intimidating mansion, the smaller one leading, almost tugging, the taller one along. She jumped out of her car as realization struck.

"Regina!" she screamed. It was almost a question.

The mayor's head tore from its deadpan, unseeing glare, and her face contorted into an expression of shock. She quickly stole a glance behind her before speed-walking over to the birth-mother of her illegally adopted son.

Her heels clacked against the pavement hard as she intoned, "Why do the police always seem to hate me?"

"Miss Swan, what are you doing here?" Regina demanded, as if she didn't have an irritated detective standing right behind her, mindlessly, though not unintentionally, toying with the handcuffs at her belt.

"I'd like to ask you the same question!" Emma Swan snapped in reply.

"Sherriff, I do not have time for this, as you can see," Regina growled back, jutting her head in the general direction of Jane Rizzoli. "Can we please get this over with quickly?"

"Not doing so well with the police today, are we?" Jane whispered loud enough for the pretty blond to hear.

_Oh, ha ha, _she thought, trying to ignore the rising swell of panic within her, _can we just move on without the witty comments from Detective Smarty-pants? _ "Emma," Regina started, then stopped. _Wow. That sounded weird. _"Emma," she started again, "Will you alert your parents that their grandchild needs to be picked up from school. I received a call that a cobra has gotten out of its cage in the science lab, and all the students need to be evacuated." Regina watched Emma's eyebrows furrow in bewilderment, and Regina rolled her eyes. "I'm going to be in Boston for a few days. Tell everyone not to worry, I'll be back soon," she stated and then promptly slid into the back of the police car.

_Wait, science lab? But Henry's school doesn't- Oh my God! Cobra! _ "Shit, Regina!" she mumbled, pulling out her phone and hurriedly tumbling into the front seat of her car. She pushed the keys into the ignition and raced forward, fumbling with her phone, hitting speed dial 2, Mary Mar- Snow….mother….and sliding the phone under her ear.

"Hello?" Emma's mother answered, a little confused.

"Yeah, hi. Listen, can Henry stay with you guys for a little? Regina and I are going to be out of town for a few days, up in Boston," the car swerved out of the way, barely missing a tiny bunny, "She says not to worry, we'll be back soon." The car righted itself before going off track again, this time to avoid crashing into an oddly placed rock. "Oh, and Regina says Dad's in charge." She smiled, congratulating herself for having added that afterthought, shutting the phone on Snow's frantic rambling. It was the least she could do for Regina.

She tossed the phone on the passenger's seat and looked straight ahead, for the first time actually thinking about this trip back to Boston.

"Welcome to the old apartment."


	2. Chapter 2

The longer she thought about it, the more she wondered: why was she even heading up to Boston, anyway? She should be at home, protecting Henry and packing what little she had in case she needed to make a quick getaway. She supposed some little part of her was worried about Regina. She knew what it felt like to have someone you love taken away from you. "Ha!" A quick burst of laughter interrupted her thoughts. Emma looked around before realizing that it was she who laughed. _Empathy for Regina… really? That would be ridiculous. _Her eyes focused straight ahead as she thought about this.

She decided to discard both notions. She didn't like thinking about her feelings or hard life-choices while she was driving. Besides, she was already almost on the interstate.

Her little yellow Bug scooted off the comforting back road and on to the highway. Five minutes later, she had been pushed to the side, cutoff, and given the finger three times. She hated Boston drivers.

As she was cutoff yet again, she intoned, "Ugh, Massholes. This is why I moved."

Suddenly, she caught sight of a blue and white police car. Was her luck this good? It might not be the right one, but she spent the next 12 minutes wedging in and out of traffic to follow it, anyway.

A familiar wispy bob met her gaze when she looked into the back of the car. Elated, she followed it into the bustling city.

"Snow? Where's Emma? She was supposed to take me to my mom's," Henry asked as his grandmother walked out of the school and motioned for him to follow her to her car.

Snow, she'd decided to stick with her Fairytale name (she thought it suited her), sighed. "Uh, Emma said that she and Regina are going to be in Boston for awhile. She told us not to worry, though. I'm sure they'll be back soon." Snow opened up the car door for Henry, but he stood there, in shock.

Finally, he managed to spit out, "She-she moved back?!"

Snow was caught off guard. She sputtered, "No! No, she didn't move back, sweetie. She just…took a little trip that's all!" she took off Henry's backpack and shoved it in the car so he would feel obliged to ride in it, instead of running away (which he had a tendency to do). "I'm sure they'll be back soon," she stated again.

Snow cleared her throat, but Henry made no move to get in the car.

"Did she say when she'll be back?" he asked cautiously.

"No, but-"

Henry cut her off. "Did she say why she went back?"

"No, but she did say that they will only be there for a little while. There's no need to worry, your mothers are perfectly safe." Snow laid a comforting and on Henry's back and nudged him into the car. His shoulders relaxed and he fastened his seat belt. They spent the car ride home in silence.

"Henry? We're out of milk; I'm going to run down to the store. Do you want anything?" Silence answered her. The creaking of a window opening forced her to rush up the stairs. "Henry? Henry!" Snow flung open the door to the guest bedroom. No one was there. She dashed to the bed, where a piece of lined paper was fluttering ominously in the wind coming from the open window.

DEAR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA,

I TOOK A BUS UP TO BOSTON. I NEED TO FIND EMMA. DON'T WORRY, _I'LL BE BACK SOON._

LOVE,

HENRY

P.S. DON'T TRY TO FIND ME. I'M PERFECTLY SAFE.

Snow let out a dry sob. She tried to push down the swell of fear and anger augmenting in her chest, but failed. Why would he do this?

"That little Sh-sh- sugar." _Ugh, what has this curse done to her? She couldn't even swear anymore! How did anyone even like her in Fairytale Land? _

"Snow?" Charming's booming voice could be heard shouting up the stairs. Within a few moments, he was right there beside her, reading over the note that Henry left. He slowly took it from her as she let out another sob.

"Don't worry, we'll find him," Charming stated, a determined expression upon his face.

"He needs to be found." Snow took a step towards him, invading his personal space.

"We will always find him," Charming replied, grabbing Snow around the waist and letting his hand move down to her buttocks.

"Mmm, find me right there…Wait," Snow said, detaching herself from the warm embrace of her husband, "This is neither the time nor the place to do this. We need to find Henry."

"You're right. Let's go." They scurried down the hall. At the top of the stairs Charming stopped. "But…we can get a hotel, right?"

"Definitely." And with that, they hopped in the car and sped to Massachusetts.

Five miles away from the Boston Police department, Emma Swan shuddered.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ah, _shit!"_ Emma Swan shouted at the long line of traffic in front of her. In the sea of cars, she lost the police car she was following. She was sure she could find the department on her own, (she'd been there enough times to know where it was-and no, _not_ because she got into trouble, she'd been a bail bonds person, remember? Geez, get your facts straight before you start making assumptions!) but she hadn't been there for awhile and Boston is a hard city to navigate. She had to admit, it would have been much easier to follow the police car.

She looked around her car for something to help her make her way to the BPD. Her eyes lingered on a crumpled map hanging loosely out of the open glove box. "I don't need it," she stated aloud. She'd been there before, right? She could find her way.

_Five minutes later_

"Okay, is _that_ it? No, of course not," Emma mumbled to herself as she whizzed past a parking garage. She found that talking to herself calmed her in troubling situations like this. "No, there it is! No it's not, that's a library. That's a library? ….Hmph. I can feel myself getting closer to it…I'm almost there," A horizontal sheet of glistening blue met her gaze. "Nope, that's water. Turning around!" She said with effort, leaning forward, as if making a U-turn expended so much energy. Then, it hit her. One block away, she could make out the familiar outline of the blue and white police car she lost pulling into a reserved parking spot on the side of the road. Ecstatic, she lunged forward and swerved into a perfect parallel park.

…

Maura Isles wiped the blood off a scalpel with satisfaction, smiling to herself as Jane sauntered into the lab. A tingling feeling on the back of her neck made her look up. A stylish woman shifted into the room behind Jane, choosing to stand by the door in the shadows while Jane skipped up to Maura and the dead body. Jane turned around to look at this new woman and pointed at her, "_You _stay there. I'll just be a second."

"Ahh," the prim woman nodded knowingly, lifting her head, a sly smile taking form on her face. Jane shot her a look. Maura snickered while Jane wasn't looking.

Jane turned back to Maura, waving behind her apathetically, "Don't pay attention to her, she's just here for questioning."

"I see," Maura said, flashing a smile and waving to the now confused woman behind Jane.

Jane scooted over so that she was in Maura's field of view, "Well, I got home safe. What was it you wanted to-? Uh…what is _this?_" Jane glanced down, just now noticing the mutilated body that her finger tips were hovering oh-so-close to.

"Well, _that," _Maura said, pointing to an inflamed area on the face and a missing patch of skin on the hand, "is _necrotizing fasciitis, _and _that,_" she said again, this time pointing to a sloppy puncture wound on the inside of the arm, "is where the bacteria was injected."

"Looks like there was a sign of struggle," Jane noted, reaching out to touch the wound.

Maura slapped her and away, "Don't touch it."

Just then, the door to the lab burst open, sending all three women stumbling back in surprise.

"Okay," Emma Swan began, panting, "Where's…oh there she is," Emma let the door shut behind her and slowly moved over to a very confused Madame Mayor. Emma reached out to take her by the hand.

Jane stopped her, scrunching up her face in bemusement, "Now hold on, how did you even get _in _here? The door is loc-"

"Don't I know you…." Maura prompted the intruder precariously.

Emma glanced over to look at her inquirer, recognition passing over her face. "No. Nope. You don't know me, I'm just here to get Regina out." Emma did know her. That was Maura Isles. The rich girl she knew for a half a year in fifth grade. She…remembered…._Emma trudged into the clean, white halls of her new school, desperately looking around for room number 204, her new homeroom. She spotted a tall woman in heels she assumed was a teacher or the principal and jogged up to her. "Do you know where room 204 is?"she asked the smiling woman while tugging at the hideous pig-tails her new mother forced her to wear. "I sure do, that's my room. I'll lead you to it_ ," _Her new teacher led her up the stairs, past hundreds of bustling kids bumping into her and stepping on her heels, until they appeared at a drab, brown door. Emma leaned over to look in the window. There weren't many kids in the desks since it was free time and school hadn't started yet, and that was fine with Emma. She didn't enjoy children her age very much and the feeling was mutual. She decided she liked her new homeroom; it would be a place to herself. Her teacher opened the door and nudged her in, saying, "Choose any desk you want. I have to leave for a minute, I still have hall-duty, but I'll be back soon. See ya, Maura!" The teacher waved at the only other student in the class room, a cute girl about 10 years old who was reading a large text book. The girl looked up but did not wave back. Her eyes fixed on Emma, the ratty girl in hand-me-down clothes with hair barely staying in her pig-tails, and she smiled. Emma smiled back._

The opening of the lab door shook Emma out of her reverie. Two men hurriedly entered the room, slamming the door behind them. The first one, a handsome African-American man, demanded to know who just entered the lab without permission. The second one, an older man with a stubbly beard and a suit, stood behind him for support.

"Oh, shit. Double shit," Emma muttered.

"What? What is it?" Regina whispered, turning towards Emma in shock.

"I think I slept with him."

"Oh? Him?" Regina asked, nodding towards the first detective.

"No, the other one. The one in the suit."


	4. Chapter 4

"Him?" Regina inquired in a whisper, trying not to convey as much shock as she was feeling at the present moment. She didn't think that highly of Miss Swan, but she assumed she at least had _some _standards. "I don't mean to pry, but why? He doesn't exactly look like your type."

"It was one time. I was drunk. We were at a party. He called me pretty. End of story," Emma retorted defensively. She wasn't proud of her decision, but she'd done worse. And besides, what right did Regina have to judge her? Regina, Miss _I'll break your heart and tear it from your body, too, _Queen of Murder, Magic, and Mayhem had done far more horrible things in her past than Emma. She even married a man twice her age to keep her status as Queen, a little bit of information Emma weaseled out of Cora during the time they spent falsely imprisoned in Fairytale Land. Emma would have none of this petty judgment.

It seemed the two women's whisper-argument had drawn some attention from the first detective sputtering in the center of the doorway. "You," he pointed at Emma, "you're the one who charged in here without clearance" he turned in dismay to the older man, "She interrupted my lunch break!"

"I don't think you'll be too bothered by that, Frost," Jane said, stepping aside to reveal the gruesome dead body.

Frost's eyes widened as he walked backwards out of the lab, never to be seen again.

The detective left standing alone in the doorway shrugged and moved across the room to Emma. He clearly didn't recognize her, thank God. "Sorry, but I have to ask you to please exit the lab. You can see your," he glanced at Regina who shot him a glare, "uh whatever after she's done-" he glanced back at Emma. "Do I know you?"

"For the love of God, no one knows me here!"

"No, you were a bail bonds agent, weren't you?"

"Oh. Then…yeah… you know me," Emma replied sheepishly. She was on one hand pleased that he didn't recognize her from that night, but on the other hand a little bit miffed that she wasn't memorable enough to at least make the faintest of impressions on this man. He reached out his hand and took her by the wrist to lead her out the double doors of the lab. Oh well, her broken ego would have to be dealt with later.

She turned her head on her way out the door and caught a glimpse of Regina, who stood limp in the same spot Emma left her, looking like she'd been abandoned yet again. Emma's heart dropped.

…

"Charming, just ASK FOR DIRECTIONS!" Snow screamed as they swerved off another exit that was bound to lead them nowhere. "It's not your fault you don't know where you are! We're in a different land and we've been trapped in the same town for 28 years! And you were in a coma for most of them! Just- there's a truck stop- pull over now."

"No. I've traveled through many lands, through dwarf tunnels, seas, and over mountains, and I _still _always find what I'm looking for. I can find it."

"No, _you can't. _ You barely managed to turn the car on this morning! I'm calling Emma for help," Snow stated, pulling her phone from her purse.

"No, don't!" Charming replied quickly, slamming his fist on the horn, "I can do this. I don't want my daughter to see how a simple, _stupid _land like this could transform a valiant warrior and prince into a beggar asking for help. It would crush her."

"Charming, _one: _you are neither a warrior nor a prince. You are a farm boy plucked out of the stables by the hands of the king to replace his dead son and _two: _I'm sure she'd be proud of you for admitting you need help! You need to grow out of that stubbornness sometime!"

He turned to her in disgust. "You're not the Snow I used to know," he spat and fixed his eyes on the road.

"Oh for heaven's sakes, Charming! Come _on." _

"Wait, what is that?" Charming shouted, "Welcome to the….City of Boston! Ha! I knew it! I told you I'd find it! Prince James has done it again! Defeated the mighty interstate to emerge victorious, much to the dismay of the fearsome pavement and his nagging wife," Snow shot daggers with her glare. "Sorry…"

"Alright," Snow started dejectedly, "Now that we're here, we have to find Henry."

"I can do it!" Charming announced, determined, lunging forward in his seat.

"No, wait! We need a hotel!"

"What? Why?" Charming inquired, confused. "I thought…" he trailed off, looking at his crotch.

"Well, we need a place to stay. We're going to be here for awhile."

"Oh," the upset prince mumbled.

_One hour and 34 minutes later_

"Hello, we'd like to stay in a room for three days at your humble inn," Charming said to the clerk while looking around at the immaculate Ritz-Carlton Hotel.

"Yes, yes, do you have a reservation?" the clean clerk inquired.

"Uh, no, we don't."

The clerk punched some buttons on the computer in front of him. "Well, we don't usually take in guests without reservations, but, business has been slow, so we're willing to make an exception. With the parking, that comes to about 960 dollars."

Charming held out a leather pouch. "Do you take rubies?"

A movement outside the doors to the hotel caught Snow's eye as she was rolling them. A small boy dressed in a brown hoodie carrying a backpack was walking the sidewalk just outside the doors. He appeared to be lost. Snow recognized that look. She tugged on Charming's arm. "Charming…" she pointed to the glass door.

"Not now, sweetie, I'm trading," he muttered while counting out rubies. Another tug on his arm made him look up and follow Snow's extended finger until his gaze landed on the same boy Snow was studying. "Henry!" Charming rushed away from the counter, tugging Snow behind and out the revolving doors. "Henry!" they both shouted again, sprinting up to the hooded child.

"Who are you?" a confused blonde child about 12 spat at them as he pulled off his hood.

"Who are _you?"_ Snow replied with sass.

"I'm Mack. I live here. I was just going to get my nerd brother Brody to help me find the owner of this Hotel's daughter, Madrid. She escaped from Catholic school again 'cuz she got another bad grade. Have you seen her anywhere? She's short…has black hair…carries a fuzzy dog everywhere?"

"No, sorry, we…thought you were someone else…" Snow replied miserably. "Good luck finding London, or Paris, or whatever…"

"Madrid," Mack corrected. "And thanks, I guess, you too." The boy turned away and continued his search for his friend, every now and then shaking a bag of diamonds and calling "Hear, Madrid, hear Maddie Maddie Maddie…"

Snow turned back to Charming. "Sorry, I guess that wasn't him," she slumped down on a bench, "Oh, we're never going to find him."

"No don't say that! We'll find him. We'll always find him!" Charming sat down next to her and patted her back.

"Shut up," Snow retorted cheerlessly.

Just then, another boy came up to them, looking at a piece of computer paper. "Hey do you guys know where-" he looked up, "Snow? Charming? Wha- Why are you here?" his face went from confusion to shock to overwhelming joy in all of about three seconds. "I thought I told you guys not to come find me!"

Charming pulled him into a tight hug and ruffled his hair. "Don't you know that's just invitation for us to go after you?" he said chuckling. "C'mon, buddy, let's get you inside."

Snow and Charming pulled Henry into the warm building with their arms wrapped around his back and resting on top of his head. Their little shit was safe.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma examined her nails as she sat on the uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room. A million thoughts buzzed about in her head. She wondered if Regina was alright. She wondered if the questioning was taking its toll on Regina, and if that curly haired detective had enough sense to treat her kindly. But most of all, she wondered if Regina actually committed the crime. If her son was stolen from a home or the hospital and delivered to Regina's open arms, and stuffed pockets. What would drive a woman like that, powerful, important, and in control, to rely on someone else to make her happy? What could possibly force her to potentially jeopardize all of her power, for a child no less? If she thought about this a little harder, she might have come up with the answers. But she couldn't because just then a woman shifted into the room. Emma looked up. The woman saw this as an invitation to sit down next to her.

Emma cleared her throat. "Uh, hello?" she almost asked the woman next to her.

The woman scooted closer to her, which in turn made Emma scoot away oh-so-subtly. "Listen," the woman began, "I know you remember me. I could see it-"

"Wait, what? I don't-"

"Panic is not that easy to hide, especially if you gaze off into the distance after someone asks you a question about your past. I _know _you. You were my friend in fifth grade. We were in Ms. Marisec's class together. We used to eat lunch together, before you moved away. I would always help you with your science and you would help me in English. I-" her voice caught, "considered you my best friend. But then you just disappeared. You didn't even say goodbye. You just…left. And I'm sorry if this is making you uncomfortable," she said quickly, noticing how Emma turned away, "I just wanted to ask what happened. Why you left. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry," Maura said, lifting off her chair and turning to leave.

"No," Emma sighed, "Wait. You deserve to know. I don't think I ever told you this, but… I was a foster kid," she inhaled, collecting herself and preparing for what she was about to say, "I'm sorry I left, and I feel horrible for not saying goodbye, because, truth be told, you were probably my best friend too. It's just- that year, around May, my foster Mom started drinking, and they said she went to rehab so she was okay, but she started pressuring me to take care of the other kids all the time and get good grades and wear what she wanted me to wear, and as a vulnerable 10 year old, I couldn't handle all that. So I got out of there, and I didn't tell you 'cuz I thought it would break your heart. I'm sorry." She lifted her huge eyes up to the still standing woman as if to ask once more for forgiveness.

Maura slowly sunk down into her seat and looked down at her hands; pondering what Emma had told her. When she looked up again, she asked, "So… you didn't leave because of me?"

"No! Of course not! Why would I ever leave because of you?"

Maura let out a faint laugh and waved her hand in the air as if to shoo away such a ridiculous notion. "I don't know, it was silly of me to even ask."

Emma smiled and moved closer in her chair. "So…now what? Are we friends? Or, I guess we have to at least tolerate each other until the questioning is over." Emma laughed and Maura did too.

"Yes. I guess we are. Oh, speaking of that, here comes Jane."

"Oh, so that's her name." Jane Rizzoli entered the room followed by a stoic Madame Mayor, who chose once again to stand in the corner of the room by the door. Jane stepped forward and cleared her throat.

"We'd like to continue investigating the case."

Emma glanced to Regina. She wore the same expression, but was visibly shaking. Regina wasn't as strong as Emma had thought. She remembered what Maura had asked. _You didn't leave because of me?_ She thought about what Cora had told her in the cell, all of the people she lost and all the pain she endured. Emma thought she knew the answers to the questions now. She glided over to the lonely corner Regina was standing in and hovered there for a moment, not sure what to do. Regina turned her head to Emma. She could see the fear in her eyes, struggling to break loose of the suffocating mask that entrapped it. Emma took Regina's hand.

*** _Author's note: Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I've been sick and I've had a lot of tests to take. I'll try to post more regularly now._

_p.s. sorry this chapter didn't have a lot of humor in it. I thought the story needed to set these ships sailing. :) _


	6. Chapter 6

Jane turned to Maura after the door closed on the two women in the waiting room. She slowly made her way over to the chair in which Maura was sitting, her head hanging low and her hands shoved in the pockets of her loose slacks. She hated to admit it, but she disliked seeing people's lives torn apart, even if they were fucking creepy. Jane lowered herself into the chair next to Maura and sighed.

"It didn't go well?"

Jane blew some air out of the side of her mouth and a spiral of hair floated in the air before falling back into place. "Well…"

Maura nudged her. "What happened?"

"She just seemed so sincere. We have a lot of evidence against her, but I couldn't help thinking that I didn't want to throw this woman in jail. It's just-"

"Mmmm," Maura acknowledged, nodding. "I know."

"But the weird thing was, after I thought that, she stared at me for a really long time. It felt like she was looking into my soul. And after that, she looked really angry and started to blow off some of my questions completely!"

"_Oh. _Well, that's strange. Maybe she has extrasensory perception. I visited one of my professors in college recently who was a parapsychologist. Of course there's no actual evidence supporting the theory, but the phenomenon is widely known. I could email-"

"Ugh, it's just so _stressful!" _

Maura looked down at her hands. "Sorry."

Jane waved her away, "No. Not you. This case," and went back to slowly tearing her hair out.

"I know a great way to relive stress! Why don't you meet me at my place at 8?"

Jane turned to stare at her. "_What?"_

Maura looked taken- aback. "I'm being spontaneous! Isn't spontaneity considered fun in modern culture?"

"…Yeah. Okay. See you at 8."

…

Jane shifted her paper grocery bag to one hand (she brought cake because she knew Maura wouldn't have any) and shoved open the door. "Okay, Maura, what is it you wanted to do? It better not be yoga…Maura?" Jane poked her head into the living room. No one was there. She went to the kitchen. Maura wasn't there either. Eventually she made it to Maura's bedroom and cautiously creaked the door open.

Jane dropped her bag with a _thump. _"…_What."_

Maura was lying under the covers in her bed, playfully twiddling her fingers when she noticed Jane.

"Oh, you're here. I thought we agreed on 8, but I guess 8:13 isn't that far off."

"Maura…what are you doing?"

"Seducing you. It's a great stress relief."

"I thought you invited me here to meditate or play board games or watch a movie…."

Maura pulled the covers off and planted her feet on the ground. "What part of my invitation didn't point to this?"

"Uh…_every part?"_ Jane sputtered.

Maura crept closer to her. "No, spontaneity is a substantial part of every relationship. Most couples try to become more spontaneous to please their partner. It gives the relationship, to quote the _Today Show_, 'some spice'."

"You watch the _Today Show?"_

Maura nodded. "Well, I watched it today, at least."

Maura took a step closer to Jane. "No, no, no. We are not doing this. I-" Jane's eyes inched down to where Maura's hand was, pinching the thin fabric strap of her nightdress and pulling it down, down, down, until it fell off her shoulder and hung there limply, temptingly. Damnit.

"I-" Jane started again, but she didn't get to finish her thought, as Maura's hands worked their way to Jane's belt and her fingers twisted themselves into the belt loops protectively.

Jane tried to control her pulse. She failed, and inhaled audibly from the shock of the situation. Their hips were touching and Jane could feel Maura's heart pounding almost an inch away. Maura untangled one of her fingers from its loop and put it to Jane's lips. "Just trust me."

…

She unbuttoned her blouse quickly and silently. When that was through, she tore the shirt from her body, leaving her kneeling on the bed stark naked. She got to her feet and put her hands on her hips, asserting dominance over the situation. She pulled at the covers until she was standing there on the thin sheets alone, rubbing slow circles on her partner's foot with her toe. Charming nodded approvingly.

Snow knelt again and slid her hands, followed by the rest of her body, up Charming's chest, then abruptly fell on her side next to him.

"Are you ready?" he mumbled in a deep, quiet voice.

"I haven't had sex since our wedding night…" Snow breathed.

Charming cleared his throat. "Ahem."

"We were cursed. " They were silent for a few moments. Finally, Snow inquired, "Do you think Henry will hear?"

Charming chuckled. "No, he's fast asleep."

"Great." And then she was on top of him. "I'm so ready for this. I can't wait to show you! I learned some great tricks from Red and-"

Charming cut her off. "Wait, from Red?"

Snow realized what she'd said a second too late. "N-no, no, not like that, I mean, maybe a little like that…"

Charming raised himself up on one hand, trying to make sense of the information that was just unintentionally handed to him. "…My wife had lesbian sex…" He looked at Snow quizzically. That's when the realization hit him. Charming threw himself back onto the bed in spread eagle formation. "My wife had lesbian sex! Well, what are you waiting for? Teach me your ways!" The hotel bed creaked and groaned as they partook in their midnight battle.

Charming chuckled as he moaned, "You know, some have said that I'm pretty good with my sword."

Snow laughed. A little too loud. Henry called from the other room. "Is everything okay in there? I heard a lot of groaning."

Snow went pale. She glanced at Charming with wide, white eyes, asking for help. Charming looked just as terrified.

"Uhhh….it's nothing….I'm just teaching Charming …geometry…" Charming looked at Snow with bewilderment, as if to say, "_Geometry? That's what you went with?"_

Snow glanced back at him helplessly. She didn't really lie. Ever.

_30 minutes later_

"Ohhhh…ohhhhh…yes! This circle…is so round…and it's circumference…must be as huge as it is tender! Yes…ohhh…a squared…plus b squared….eqUALS C SQUARED…YES. YES. YES. OH, PYTHAGORAS, YES!"

On the other side of the wall, Henry curled further into his cocoon of blankets and smiled. He was glad his grandpa was taking an interest in math. He liked math.

**_Author's note: Yeah, sorry, I…kind of…sort of…lied about updating regularly. I'm going to be in Florida for a week or so, but I'll update it when I get back. Please don't kill me! I gave you an offering of Rizzles seduction! _


	7. Chapter 7

_Four hours before the seduction_

Jane flashed a worried look to Maura before pushing open the double doors to the waiting room to tell the two women the news. Their heads were down and close together and a faint conversation could be heard if you listened closely. Jane cleared her throat and the two women looked up abruptly. It was the blond one who spoke first.

"What's wrong? What is it?"

Jane shoved her hands in her pockets and cleared her throat again before muttering, "Uh…sorry, but we can't let you leave. Ms. Mills has to stay here for the night…"

Emma scooted her chair away from Regina a bit.

The Mayor wore a confused smile. "I'm sorry, what was that?" Surely she must have misheard the ungainly detective.

Jane looked Regina right in the eyes. "We can't let you leave. You have to stay in one of the cells for tonight. It's just a precaution, so you don't run away."

Emma inched her chair back a little bit further.

Regina slowly raised herself off the stiff plastic chair. Her eyes flashed with extraordinary rage as she calmly inquired, "Are you saying that you want to keep me, the mayor of Storybroke, in a cell like some sort of criminal because you think _I might run away?_ I have a town to run, do you really think I'd just skip out like some sort of idiot druggy with no sense of responsibility? Are you that thick?"

Jane's eyebrows shot up in shock and she stepped back with her left foot just as Regina stepped forward with her right. To an outsider, this might have looked like the beginnings of a very passionate tango.

Regina's eyes were gleaming with fury now, and her mouth was set in a hard, straight line. She stuck out her jaw like a child as she moved forward once more.

Jane turned the tables and stepped toward the fuming mayor so they were nose to nose. "Look, state law requires that we keep anyone who is brought in for questioning for a period of two days or more here for the night. It's not an insult to your status, although I think you could use an insult or two. Word to the wise, don't let all that power get to your head. It seems to be trying to escape through that bulging vein on your forehead." Behind Jane, Maura licked her lips, and Emma shot her a look that said, _Oooh, gurl, I sense a cat fight._

The mayor's nose twitched and her eyes flashed once more. Her voice dropped to a low growl. She said with an evil smile, "A queen is never self-centered; everyone else simply thinks themselves her equal." And with that, she pivoted on her heel and sauntered away from the seething detective.

Jane spat, "Your room is the third door on the left," before exiting through the double doors.

Maura ran to catch up with her. "Did she just refer to herself as a queen?"

"Yup," Jane replied, and continued walking.

Regina turned and walked to Emma with a self-confident smirk playing at her lips. Emma raised her eyebrows and gestured for the mayor to walk in front of her. "My liege…" she stated playfully and let the mayor lead her to her cell.

…

"This is worse than the cell in Storybroke," Regina uttered as she looked around with disgust at the dingy cell.

Emma was leaning on the metal door just outside the cell. "Well, at least you have some privacy. In Storybroke, I was shoved in a cell next to a dwarf the day after I got there. Talk about hospitality." Emma was trying to lighten the mood before she told Regina what she was about to say next. It seemed to work. The Mayor chuckled before returning to her evaluation of her dwellings for the next day. She turned her back to Emma to inspect the rusty sink.

Emma cleared her throat. "Um, so, I hope you know I'm not going to be staying here with you, right? I'm going to see if my apartment is still vacant. I'll probably meet you here in the morning."

Regina turned around. A flash of sadness, then betrayal, passed over her face before the mask set in. "Of course," she paused, " I wouldn't have it any other way." She turned to continue her inspection of the corroded sink, gingerly turning the knob and waiting a few moments before a burnt sienna- looking liquid flushed out of the tap.

Emma cleared her throat again. "Okay, well, I guess I'll be going then. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright. See you. Good luck," Regina muttered without turning around.

Emma stood there for a few moments, tapping her nails against the metal bar. Then she left.

…

"Okay," Emma exhaled before knocking on the door of her old apartment. She was almost positive that no one was living there, but when she asked the doorman if he had seen anyone coming in or out of apartment 209, he said the number sounded familiar. She knocked anyway, just to be sure. The door opened almost immediately. A woman holding a glass of cheap wine with horribly curly blond hair appeared on the other side. Her cigarette almost fell out of her red lips as she spat, "Who the fuck are you?"

Emma blinked, hoping this was a dream. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I asked you first," the woman stated. Emma thought she heard a faint Jersey accent.

"I asked you second," Emma retaliated.

"Seriously. Who are you? I thought we were put on the list for no solicitations." She slurred the word "solicitations".

"Who are _you_? This is my apartment. Why are you here?"

"Ohhhh," the woman drawled, "you're that girl who rented the place before we got here." The obnoxious woman laughed a throaty, insufferable cackle that made Emma instinctively want to clap her hand over her mouth and wait for it to subside. "Listen, sweetie, you can't just not pay rent for a year and expect it to be here for you when you get back."

Emma frowned. _Oh, yeah, rent, forgot about that, _she thought. Well, there went her plans for the night.

"Sorry, I- um- I guess I just wasn't thinking. Sorry to bug- wait is that my couch?" Emma pointed behind the woman to a grubby man sitting on a dark, leather couch, flipping through T.V. channels.

"What? No," The woman shifted so she was blocking Emma's view of the couch. "We got that at a garage sale."

Emma stood on her tip-toes and looked over the tangled mess of curly hair. "No, that's my couch. What are you doing with my couch?"

The woman closed the door a little more. "I told you, we got it at a garage sale."

"You got a new, leather Lay-Z-Boy at a garage sale."

The woman's eyes shifted. "Yes…"

Without a word of notice, Emma pushed past the woman and barreled into her old home. She marched over to the couch and kicked it so the seat reclined. The lounging man looked surprised. "See?" she pointed to a gold insignia branded on to the bottom of the chair. "I painted that. It's a swan with my name around it. It took me months to make that! Give me back my couch!"

The woman stared at her. "You painted that?" Emma nodded. "Burney and I always wondered why the owner put that on there. It's the tackiest shit I have ever seen."

Emma's eye twitched. She'd about had it with this impossible woman. "…..Tacky? You're calling…me…taCKY?!" Emma lunged at her. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU. YOU AND YOUR NO BRA, CHEETAH PRINT DRESS ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL! rRAaaAAAAAHHHHHH!"

The woman screamed, "Burney, call security! Burney!"

Emma landed on top of the woman and tackled her to the ground. "I WANT MY FUCKING COUCH, YOU BITCH." She alternated between punching the woman and tearing her hair out. Thin, fuzzy clumps of bleach blond curls floated to the ground. It was beautiful to watch. Emma continued to hit the woman. She enjoyed watching her body wrestle to get free of Emma's and hearing her piercing screams of terror. It was a great stress relief.

Two men in blue uniforms hustled into the room just then. Emma felt two hands clamp over her arms and she was lifted kicking and screaming away from the terrified female. The other officer helped the blonde to her feet and asked if she was okay. He turned to Emma. "You know you have to go to jail now, right?"

…

The metal door clanked shut and Jane Rizzoli, arms crossed, looked on the two women with unhidden pleasure. "You're lucky. Only a fine and a month in here for third degree assault? How'd you manage that one? I guess we'll be seeing a little more of each other then." Jane chuckled as she walked out on them and slammed the door with a loud _bang. _

Regina glared at Emma. "What the hell did you do?"

Emma sighed. "I just wanted my couch…" and collapsed on the bed.

…

Regina's eyes fluttered open. She yawned and flopped her head to the side to look at Emma, who was still sleeping next to her. She attempted to get up, until she noticed something odd. Emma's hand was lying on her breast. _Oh, well that's awkward, _Regina thought. She would have to fix that before Emma woke up. She made a face as she pinched Emma's wrist between her thumb and forefinger and cautiously moved it over to Emma's side. The mission was almost complete when Regina saw an eye flicker open. Emma was waking up. Regina fell limp where she was, in an effort to appear like she was still sleeping. Unfortunately, her hand stayed where it was: in Emma's.

Emma pulled her eyelids open. The first thing she saw was her hand in Regina's. A smile tugged at her lips. She knew Regina wasn't as strong as she thought she was.

Eyes closed, Regina almost broke her facade of sleep when she felt a finger tracing circles on her palm. She heard Emma's voice, soft and tired, "Look, Regina, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I messed up. Now we're in here together, and Henry's stuck with my parents, and it's all my fault. I know you're sleeping…I just…wanted to tell you. I'm sorry." Regina couldn't help it, she smiled. It was good to hear Emma admit her mistakes.


	8. Chapter 8

A quiet buzzing and what sounded like the crackle of cellophane roused Henry from his sleep. He turned over on his side to see the culprit: a shaky walky-talky that was perched precariously on the edge of his nightstand. With effort, he flopped his arm over to the side and grasped the tiny black box. He pulled it to his ear.

"What do you want?" he asked thickly.

A hissing whisper responded: "Get in loser, we're going jail busting."

…

The team of three crept silently across the hall, occasionally peaking over their shoulders to check if they were being followed. They tumbled and jumped over harmless and pitiful obstacles; that maid that left the laundry cart there to trip them up would be sourly disappointed. At the top of the stairs, the group exchanged determined glances and nodded. The tallest man leapt off the balcony while the female and younger male slid down the railing. All that could be seen were three black blurs against the rising sun in the window. Come to think of it, they should have chosen their outfits better. The man landed with a thump and raised his charcoaled face to the sky, apparently sniffing.

"What is it? What do you smell? Is it murder?" queried the dark haired female.

"No," he said, turning overdramatically to her as if he had just come from Shakespeare acting camp for middle school girls. "It's food."

"For the sake of Lucifer, Charming, really? Your daughter and Regina are stuck in a cell and all you can think of is food?" Snow stomped her foot on the ground.

"Hey, I grew up on goat's milk and chicken, it's not my fault I try to get my hands on anything edible that comes into my sight."

Snow let out an exasperated sigh, increasing her resemblance to a bitchy pixie fresh out of a certain Disney movie and motioned for the two men (boys) to follow her outside.

As they tiptoed along the almost empty sidewalk, Henry tugged on his grandmother's sleeve. "Snow," he whispered, "why did you refer to the devil?"

Snow shot him a confused glance so Henry elaborated, "Lucifer is the name of the devil."

"Ohhhh, no I wasn't referencing the Bible, I was talking about my friend Cinderella's cat. I'm quite attached to it." She smiled at him like that cleared everything up and continued sneaking along as if nothing had happened.

"I don't even know anymore…" Henry muttered under his breath, though he followed Snow's lead.

…

"Does anyone know how to pick a lock?" Charming asked while jiggling the handle of the Boston Police Department's door.

"I thought you did!" Henry exclaimed.

"Oh, here," Snow grumbled, rushing forward with a bobby pin and a credit card. Within two minutes the door had opened and they were inside.

They entered cautiously, looking around them for security cameras. Charming was quite good at finding them; whenever he saw one, he withdrew a rock from his fanny pack and threw it at the camera.

After the fifth camera was taken down, Snow inquired, "Who or what persuaded you to wear that obscene fanny pack?"

"It's not a fanny pack!" Charming shot back, "It's a man-y pack."

Henry stifled a giggle behind him. They tip-toed through the halls, breaking down doors until they reached the end of the hallway. Snow tentatively turned the knob. The door creaked open and the team tumbled in. They landed in a pose similar to _Charlie's Angels. _

Emma got up from where she was lounging on the hard jail bed and stepped slowly toward the door. "Um…Mom? Dad..? _Henry?!"_

Regina flinched by her perch near the window and quickly threw down a small, yellow electronic device. It landed with a clatter. The Charmings decided to ignore this.

"What are you all doing here?" Emma asked incredulously.

"We're here to bust you guys out!" Snow replied.

"Yeah, you two can't stay in here forever," Charming seconded.

Emma shuffled her feet and made a strange choking sound from her mouth. "Ahh- I- don't think you guys understand…we can't just _leave."_

"Well, it would be perfectly legal," came a thick Scottish accent.

"What the hell is he doing here?!"

Mr. Gold strutted into the musty room that held Emma and Regina's cell. "You, dearie, are very lucky. I managed to convince the judge who sentenced you here to let you off with just a fine. Regina, on the other hand, since you are not convicted yet, are free (…well…for the most part) to go."

Emma stood there, dumbstruck. Finally, she managed to turn to her parents and ask," Why did you bring him?"

Mr. Gold made an odd laughing noise that sounded like the neigh of a horse dialed up 3 octaves and clasped his hands together. "Oh, Regina didn't tell you? She called me here!"

Emma turned to Regina. "You…what? How?"

Regina picked up the small yellow device and pointed it out the window. Suddenly, a huge neon dollar sign appeared in the air, accompanied by M. I. A.'s _Paper Planes _lyrics (_All I wanna do *gunshot* *gunshot* *gunshot* *gunshot* *cash register noise* is take your money_) Regina turned back to Emma sheepishly.

Mr. Gold, on the contrary, did not seem the least bit embarrassed. He mouthed along with the song, occasionally throwing up gang signs, until it faded away. He sighed, "As soon as I saw that, I hitched the nearest taxi to Boston."

"Wait," said Emma, "How did you take a taxi? They don't come to Storybrooke."

"Yes, I know. I walked to the town over and hid in the trunk when one pulled over to pick up another resident."

"Couldn't you have just gotten your own taxi?" asked Snow.

Rumple turned to her with a traumatized look on his face and gasped, "But that would be wasting money!"

A couple of seconds passed in uncomfortable silence. Emma cleared her throat. "I guess we better leave then…"

Charming jumped and ran over to unlock their cell. The two women slowly walked out. "So…now what?"

"Do we just leave?" Emma asked.

Charming looked at Snow. Eventually, she muttered, "Yeah, I guess. I mean, we didn't really have anything planned for the exit yet…"

"Okay then."

They shrugged and began walking out of the room in single file, Mr. Gold politely holding the door for the group.

Under her breath, Regina murmured, "This is very un-ceremonial."

…

_A bit after the seduction (the previous day)_

Maura led Jane silently to the bed and gently pushed her down. She let her hands trail down Jane's shirt from where they were placed atop her shoulders and her quick, nimble fingers unfastened every button on Jane's silky top. She could feel Jane's breathing quicken, so she leaned in to her neck and planted a kiss against her warm skin. Her fingers worked until they reached the bottom of the shirt. She lifted her head off Jane's neck and smiled seductively as she reached to pull apart Jane's blouse. Jane caught her wrist and Maura started. Jane gave one solitary chuckle and smirked, "Here. Let me."

She raised her hands to the top of her shirt and gradually, temptingly pulled off her blouse. Maura hummed and reached out to touch her. Jane grabbed her wrist yet again. "Uh-uh. Not so fast."

Jane let her fingers dance lightly up Maura's arm and firmly grabbed her shoulder. In a flash, Jane was on top of Maura and working on tugging the already loosened night dress down around her ankles. She smirked again and let out a self-satisfied snort as she perused the extent of the honey-blonde's body.

"Not fair," teased Maura, "I only got the shirt. You got the whole package."

"Not quite…" Jane purred. She ran her fingers down to Maura's core and pinched the cotton fabric between her fingers. She pulled down and soon the black underwear was crumpled up in a heap with Maura's angle-like nightdress; the black fabric tangled and twisted around the white in a crescent moon formation, like yin and yang. The good and the bad. Jane kicked it aside.

Maura thought she looked like she was in a trance. She almost reached out to Jane to wake her from her reverie, or, perhaps, to see if this was real herself, but just then Jane's hand came down and gripped her tightly around the waist.

She moved with a litheness Maura could only have expected from Jane. The hand roamed over soft flesh and tore at supple skin, eventually moving down to her core and cupping it. Maura started when Jane's long finger entered her, corkscrewed, and left as quickly as it came. It nipped at her clit as it left, immediately replaced by Jane's tongue.

Within minutes Maura was bucking and whispering for Jane to keep going, keep going, just a little bit longer. Jane pushed her on to the bed totally and lifted and moved Maura's flexible leg to the side. Maura let out a silent scream and threw her head back, breathing heavily. Jane pulled herself up her body. She planted kiss after kiss like a trail of breadcrumbs up Maura. Each one held its meaning. This one is for all the sleepovers and the shared dinners. This one is for the masks, and the shoes, and the damn tortoise. This one is for the time she didn't get angry. This one is for when she said she loved me. And this. And this. And this.

She was level with Maura's lips now. She could see her glazed eyes hiding a spark and the languid smile tugging at her perfect mouth. _And this one, _thought Jane, _is for when I'll say I love her. _And she kissed her like she'd been there her whole life. And she kissed her like she would spend her whole life right there next to her.

They pulled apart. Jane flopped unceremoniously on the bed next to Maura. And, Jane decided, she just might. Right next to Maura seemed like a pretty nice place to be for the rest of her life.

"Hey," Jane whispered, "I think I love you." She turned her head to the side and smiled at Maura, waiting to see her reaction.

Maura flopped her head to face Jane and whispered, "I've known it all along." They both smiled and Maura planted a soft, short kiss on Jane's lips again.

Jane cleared her throat. "So, wait, I thought this was supposed to be _my_ stress relief."

Maura smirked and rolled on top of Jane.

"If you insist."

***_Author's note: I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN FOREVER. GOOGLE CHROME WAS STUPID AND WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME OPEN THE PUBLISH BUTTON ON . I GAVE YOU PORN. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. *whimpers* _


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